Summer is here, and the one thing I keep coming back to is this: I don’t want it to slip by. I don’t want to get to August and realize that weeks went by without a real conversation, without actually connecting with my kids. The days are long and unstructured, and it’s easier than you’d think to be in the same house all summer and still feel like you missed each other.
That’s exactly what I’m being intentional about this year. Not a rigid schedule. Not a summer bucket list. Just a simple daily rhythm that makes sure connection actually happens, before Jonathan disappears for his evening phone calls with friends, before the day folds into itself and we’ve all gone to our separate corners.
If you have teens at home this summer, you probably know what I mean. The school year has built-in checkpoints. Carpool. Homework. Practice pickup. Those moments create connection almost by accident. Summer removes all of them, and what’s left is just you and your kid, both trying to figure out how to be around each other without the usual script.
Here’s what we do instead.
Why summer is actually the harder season
During the school year, connection happens almost by accident. You’re asking about homework, driving to practice, checking in because the structure demands it. Summer strips all of that away.
For teens especially, summer can feel like a lot of unstructured time with no clear role. They’re not students right now. They’re not quite adults. They fill the gap with friends, screens, and staying up too late, and that’s fine. But it also means the window for connection is smaller and easier to miss.
“You’re in the same house all summer and somehow still feel like you missed each other.”
Our daily summer connection routine
This is a daily rhythm, not a strict schedule. You don’t need all four parts every day. Two done consistently beats four done once. What matters is that the rhythm exists so connection isn’t something that happens by chance.
- The slow morning check-in. Catch your teen in that first 20 minutes after they wake up, before the phone takes over. Sit near them while they eat. Ask one low-pressure question: “Anything you want to do today?” or “How’d you sleep?” No agenda. Just presence. That alone sets a different tone for the whole day. If they grunt and walk away, that’s okay. You showed up. Try again tomorrow.
- One thing together. It doesn’t have to be planned. Running an errand, playing a card game, sitting in a drive-through, watching ten minutes of a show. The point isn’t what you’re doing. It’s that you’re side by side with no agenda. Some of our best conversations this summer have happened over a game or in the car going nowhere important. Let them pick. Showing up for their thing is the whole point.
- The 7-minute evening window. This is the anchor of the whole routine. Find the stretch between your teen winding down and jumping on their phone with friends. For us, that’s before Jonathan’s evening calls. I ask one real question, not “what did you do today” but something that actually requires a thought. Then I listen. I don’t fix it. I don’t redirect it. I just hear it.
- Say something good before bed. Before they go to their room for the night, name one specific thing you noticed about them today. Not about productivity. Something real. “You were patient with Kaia.” “I liked how you handled that.” It takes five seconds and it’s the last thing they hear from you before the day ends. Be specific. “You did good today” lands differently than naming the actual moment.
What to try this week
Pick one of the four and try it for three days. Just one. The morning check-in is the easiest place to start because the bar is low. You’re not planning anything. You’re just showing up before the day takes over.
If you have a teen who pulls away in summer, that’s okay. They just need smaller, more consistent moments instead of big planned ones. This routine is built around that.
I put together a free Summer Connection Routine guide with the full daily rhythm, a printable checklist, and 12 conversation starters for the evenings when you can’t think of what to ask. Head to ourfamilyvine.com/summer-connection-routine and grab it. It’ll be in your inbox in under a minute.